How Can Something Like Pornography Destroy a Relationship?

What is it about pornography that can be so detrimental to our relationship?

The consumption of porn might lead to the development of unrealistic expectations about sex. After all, the goal of pornography is to satisfy one's own desires. Unfortunately, controlling their spouse is a common theme in these situations. This concept alone has the potential to distort perceptions of what intimacy is actually about. Research indicates it may be detrimental to both the emotional and physical closeness of a relationship over time.

Emotional connection is a necessary component of a healthy relationship. It contributes to feelings of security and trust, which are vital to a partnership. Yet, porn is often about exerting control over the other and all for personal gratification. 

When it comes to physical intimacy, pornography sets you up for serious disappointment. The fact that actors and actresses are acting out the scenes can easily confuse fiction from reality. When you can't replicate that with your spouse, it can lead to disappointment and frustration. As a result, you may begin to prefer pornography over an actual physical connection with your spouse. 

As pornography interferes with your connection, you can imagine the damage it's doing to the relationship. 

Maybe you're under the impression that it's entirely harmless. After all, it doesn't seem to be getting in the way of your relationship. You feel there is a strong emotional and sexual connection. 

5 questions to ask yourself regarding your usage of pornography and your relationship?

Pornography can damage both the physical and emotional closeness in a relationship. Yet, it may not appear to be an issue for some.

Here are 5 questions to help you determine if watching porn may be hurting your relationship.

• Is my partner aware of what I'm viewing and how often I watch it?
• Is there anything you keep hidden about your porn use? 
• Regarding pornography, do you and your spouse agree on what constitutes "appropriate" behavior? 
• Is your porn use interfering with your ability to fulfill your obligations at work or home?
• Do you need to engage in pornographic activity in order to enjoy intimacy with your partner? If so, this may suggest that your need is becoming more of a compulsive one. Likewise, this could be a sign of an addiction.

Only you and your spouse can determine if pornography is hurting your relationship. Depending on how strongly your partner feels, it may be worthwhile to seek professional advice. Therapy can be a safe place for both of you to approach the conversation effectively. 

At Thrive Relational Recovery, we are experts in the treatment of sex and porn addiction. We'd be delighted to assist you and your partner in approaching the subject jointly. Call us today for more information on how to get started.